Last Day of 2019

19th October 2019. Almost 6 years later, I finally saw her on the random street.

No words were exchanged, neither our expressions. But deep inside, we knew its her/him. Perhaps I have grown quite a fair bit that she might have mistaken me. But the moment you walked down the isle, the aura as you walked, is exactly the same as the day you walked out of my life.

I, hated this feeling.

Its interesting to see how from we develop from a stranger to lover and back to square.

For the past 6 years, whenever I traveled on the North South Highway, it reminisce me the journey we made together. Some days, I blamed myself for not being good enough. Some days, I wished I could have treasured more. Some days I wondered about the dogs, is Snowy still around? Some days I wondered how is your family members? Some days I wondered how is your Ah Gong and Ah Ma. And some days I ran through our stories.

Ironically, this year we had a booking from Singapore to DoubleTree KL. The place that started us. The whole area have been so vastly different from my memories. So much developed than in 2011. But certain memories remains.

But looking at how blessed you are now, I feel happy for you. Perhaps if you were still with me, I reckon we are still trying to secure our future together.

I have no idea when will we cross path again, maybe another 6 years? Hopefully the next time when we crossed path, both of us are at a better place that we would have been.

This year image I chose Taipei 101! This is because I hope I will be able to visit Taiwan in 2015! Lately I have been joking with my mum that maybe I should find a 台妹!

It has be a year that resolve around work. We acquired one more vehicle, started hiring and our revenue recorded a new record. But the outlook for 2015 is still positive just that we may no longer see the exponentially growth rate that we saw for the last couple years (given that the base is higher now).

I spent the first few months of the year working really hard. Maybe I was trying hard to forget her and also to achieve more. After all the battles, I went on a 10days break and head to Hongkong & Macau with almost identical itinerary as the previous iteration. After going to these countries twice in 2 years, I grew alil tired of the countries. I tried to do differently by catching attractions that I missed the other time like, Dancing in the water (in Macau), the many museums in HongKong.

I don't think I will be going back anytime sooner. But I have make a promise, the next time I head there, I will bring my girlfriend/wife and we will stay at Carlton hotel. I think the view from the hotel will be awesome. Oh yes, Disneyland will have a new expansion theme in 2016!

Couple of months ago, I reconnected with a "long-lost" friend. Its been a great 4 years since we last contacted. She noticed the achievement I achieved during this period. When I look back, it was not easy (even till now). Alot of hardwork and late nights to achieve what we have today. I don't know what the future holds for me, but I knew I got to start working (even) harder.

I will be turning 27 next year. Somehow, it frighten me. It is like, my 20's is almost coming to an end and yet I have "nothing"- no girlfriend & (stable) career. There is an invisible pressure over me that I need to work harder, to produce my mark. When I looked at my peers of my age, most of them have already completed their education and are holding a stable job with a stable income (& with a girlfriend/boyfriend or even married). Then I looked at myself, its full of uncertainty. I am turning those uncertainty and worries into a pressure to do better, and hopefully 2015 will be.


Next year will also be somewhat different. It will be the 1st time after 3years that we will not be providing service for Chingay. Definitely I am upset, but I chose to believe that it happens for a better plan.


I am excited about 2015. What about you?


Have a great 2015 ahead. Huat ah!


May God continues to bless all of us.

A letter to my future girlfriend

Hi girlfriend,

I know it's hard to understand why someone would be writing this letter to you (months/years) ahead. In fact, I am also very curious how you look like, what is your characters and have you entered into my circle of friends or still waiting for me to meet you?

Before we embark on this relationship, I like to let you know that you are special and I am ready to take you as a commitment and do my best effort to be your best/ideal boyfriend and then hubby. And I already have a end in mind, to put my surname over your name.

I went through a failed relationship in 2013. I was deeply hurt, so deep that I wanted to end my life. But I told myself that I should have faith in God that all these was within his plan. And there I decided to wait patiently for you to appear in my life. I also decided that I shall/should never lower my standard just because I wish to settle down early. Therefore,you are special and you have led me to trust and have faith and believe in love all over again.

I don't know what is my achievement when you see this letter. But let me share with you my intents.

• I want you to be able to be proud of me either because I am already a successful (and prominent) businessman or/and a good boyfriend & husband. 
• I want you to be able to quit your job and be the tai tai that some/most girls want. But, if you want to work, by all means (: 
• I want you to live a carefree life without worrying the next meal on the table. 
• I want you to be able to provide for your parent (using my income), and if your sibling/grand-parent requires our help, by all means go ahead. Your family will be my family too.
• I want to be by your side for every Christmas.
• I want to be by your side for every new year. We will have countdown together. 

Whatever it is, I just hope that you will walk with me till the last breathe. In return, I promise you that you be the only girl that I see in my eyes. Support me and the family and you have my words that I will make you the sweetest girl you could ever imagine.

• If I ever work too hard and you felt neglected, talk to me. Tell me you need my attention and I will know what to do. 
• If I ever travel for work so frequently, tell me to bring you along. 
• If I ever speak hurtful words, tell me it hurts. Sometimes, out of anger I speak words that I don't mean at all (and often enough, regretted my action). 
• If I ever kept any secret away from you, tell me that you need to know because you think it is important.
• If I ever failed to keep my promise (because sometimes, I speak with a intent to please you), reminds me that I might have forgotten my promise to you. 
• If you wants to manage the family finance, tell me and I will hand all my monthly salary to you to manage. 
• If you need me to be there for an occasion or to spend at least a day out with you, tell me and I will push all my appointment away. 
• If you need to have heart-to-heart talk with me to resolve any issue that you think it is, tell me, and I will stop whatever I'm busy with and give you the time.
• If you have any dislike towards my habits (like playing computer games?), tell me. I will attempt to negotiate with you. And if you insist that I am wrong, I will sacrifice for you willing. (so long you are happy)
• If you need to bite my shoulder, do it but make sure you give the area a kiss and I will keep quiet. 
• If all the above fails, tell me that "this is a order from your queen" and I know this is serious enough to listen to you.

Whatever it is, please be direct and not giving out subtle hinting? Also be mature in your requests? Because you know I will listen to you. This you can have my promise.

I have also instructed my mum to share with you about my ex-girlfriend and how much pain I was in. Go ahead and ask her.

Those papers on my wall are reminders to myself to treat you better. If you think you have something to add, go ahead ya.

I just want to let you know from today onward (31st December 2013), I will be working extremely hard. Today we decided to invest another S$300,000 and this brings the total investment for this year to S$600,000 and S$100,000 for upcoming venture. Therefore, there is no option for failure. Yet I know if I could pull through this period, I should be by now be pretty comfortable with my income and you shall not worries about flat, wedding etc. I hope by the time you read this, you could enjoy the fruits of my labour. Yes! I am now working for you already ya (:


And lastly, I will love you with all my hearts. For this, I swear to God.

Thank you for accepting me and for being my girlfriend.

"I cant imagine living for the rest of my life without you by my side"

Last day of 2013

The first few photos we took together
27th March 2012 (5pm) - 15th December 2013 (1.40am)

No firework. I begins this post with a heavy heart. I think this year is full of surprises? I did not plan to purchase a brand new bus for this year, but we did. I did not plan to purchase a mini bus for our personal use, but we did. I did not plan to purchase two more buses, but today we made a offer of intent to purchase. I did not plan to start another venture (at least not so soon), but we are going to start a travel agency in early 2014! I did not anticipate that I will be quitting my university, but I am going to. And on 15th December, one of the thing that I never and will never think of, is to lose a very nice girlfriend.

Suddenly what was supposed to be the best year ended up as my 2nd lowest point in life. I was in one of the reputable and a dream university, I had one of the best girlfriend that I could ever imagine and my business was doing pretty well. I thought after so much hardship that I experienced in the past is finally going to be of the past. I thought God had finally decided not to test me. But then, suddenly I lost the first two points.

Imagine a girl discussed with you about having combined saving, applying for HDB, about kids and the future. I can't help to feel secured. So much so that I knew I need to work hard to earn enough to make the down-payment for our flat and give her the kind of wedding that she desire. Then I started to plan my future around her. And days before we broke up, she even hurried me to earn more money so that I could put my name beside her. Suddenly, everything seems to be a joke. So much so that I have lost faith in the word, love.

Anyway, I decided to quit my dream university to focus on my work, so that I could earn enough to provide for her and to fulfil the promises that I made during my proposal. I thought losing my education qualification is worthy because I already have a stable relationship whom I planned to propose to her sometime in February 2015 (on the airplane because it was there that brought us together). And I find comfort in that, because at the end of the day I am working for her, working for her happiness and that is worthy enough. So much that I started to plan my lives around her, then suddenly she is out of my life and my world came crashing down, hard I must say. I lost my direction. I don't see a purpose in life. I asked God why does he brings me to life? Why bring me here to fight and fight? Since birth, we are always fighting for our survival, then education, then relationship then career and so on. Why fight I asked him. Here, I am in my 2nd lowest point. They say, what goes up, must come down and I must say, it has came down. But they also say, what goes down, will goes up and so I am waiting for that moment again.

I am scare because all I could do now, is to hope. And hope by wording means that it is uncertain. It has been a long time since this uncertainty feeling came upon me. But I knew someday, things would changed and it will.

I cried alot during the first few days of the breakup. My mum was upset too. We even hugged together and cried. My mum told me she was heartbroken too. I realised all the people can leave you, but your parent will never leave you when you are at your worst. I realised when you are in a relationship, you does not have it with him or her alone but with their family also. My mum was worried about my safety that she followed me to work. She slimmed down after a few days. Just when I wanted to prove to my mum that I am okay, I crashed my vehicle into a gantry barricade! I knew its time to let go.

I took a deep-soul-searching, and I thank God for enlighten me on many aspects. I asked God why did he put her into my life when it was not meant to be? Why let me suffer this? But after my soul-searching, he gave me the answer.

I had a role-reversal, and I viewed from her perspective and before I knew it, my heart was in deep pain and I cried. I asked myself how on earth could I treat her in this manner? I totally deserved to be dumped. She has been very patient in this relationship and I got that for granted and overdone it. She understood clearly why am I working so hard for and she knows I love her even though my action didn't tell much. But I was so intricate that I failed to do the bare minimum. It is this thought that I couldn't forgive myself. There are so many little things I could do to make her happy (and maybe retain that faith) but I was too myopia with my work, thinking that the best gift for her is to be able to provide for her future. I was wrong to think that I could make up for the shortfall in the future. She is still young. She still desire for the kind of attention that all other girls want. If she decides to settle down with you but this does not mean that I can stop doing the basic showering of love.

I kept asking myself  how I on earth have I not thought of this? Too silly, too myopia. Eventhough I was constantly worrying and planning for the business, I should have always spend some time with her. At the end of the day, it was still a commitment and I should do my part.

There are already signs from God that I should start paying attention on her, but I ignored (just) because I always thoughts she understand why I am doing this. I was trending high in my life, and when signs shows up, I always thought that it is not a problem. Too much of myself. The cup was full. But now I have emptied the cup and I am going to write down all my mistakes and take away from this relationship and paste it on my wall. I want to be remembered of this. I want to be the William that I knew.

And I am happy that I am motivated to change for the better. There is a sense of urgency for me to change. A determination feeling that I had not felt since my A' level days. For whoever in the future, I know she will be lucky to meet the new me. I am going to step out of the comfort zone to be more independent and I am going to a real man.

The first few days was pretty hard. I actually ate 1 meal per day and even so I couldn't finished the bowl. I slept 2 hours everyday. Sleeping suddenly became the hardest activity when I am those kind who could sleep within 2min upon touching my bed. Then I transient from asking why to worrying for her. I worried if she would eat well, worried if she would meet a better guy and I just kept praying. It is so tough to go through this but I am glad that I am the one going through because she was once worried that one day I might went up to her and told her that "I don't have feeling for her". I don't know if I replied her, but in my mind I was thinking why would I want to give up on her when I already planned so much?

There are alot of good memories together. I will keep them. It was a bittersweet feeling whenever I past by a place we have been, like Marina Bay, Garden by the bay, Singapore Flyer and many more. For the past 2 weeks I have been thinking from how we met to how we got together to how we re-met again after we got together. Those travelling of 395km from Singapore to her house and how I am always smitten by her when she wait for me at the train station. It was always like an angel waiting for me. It was not a easy ride for the last 629days. That itself, makes everything worthy. Those overnight at the train station, the overnight journey, the overnight waiting for you at MacDonald. Despite all the odds, we managed to overcome and she finally relocated to Singapore. How we started planning for flat, kids and saving to all the activities that I planned to do with you in December because I knew I have been neglecting you to what it is today. I could only blame myself for this, to lose these.

I had made a promise to her and now I leave my fate to God to plan. If we are meant to be together again, we will. My door for her did not close. I have given her my blessing and I truly hope that the next guy will be better (eventhough I trust that I will be even better than him in the future haha).

I am going to put all my energy into the business and I am going to put words into action. I am going to change. Maybe it was all in God's plan? On the last day of 2013, we are going big on business for next year. We just made a offer of intent to purchase not 1 but 2 buses! Maybe God's knew that I need to focus my energy in it to make it work and he knows that the kind of love you desire which I could not give for now. And so he arranged something else. Let's trust his plan.

Thank you Ng Joe Yie. Thank you for the special 1 year 9 months. Thank you for the 629 days 8 hours 40minutes eventhough we spent most of the time apart. Thank you for giving me your best. Thank you for resisting those "bees" and believed in me. And Thank you for the lessons learnt. I wished to pen everything down but I thought I shall write it somewhere else. If you happened to chance upon my blog, I hope that it will be at the "promise" I made to you and I hope by then I already achieved something in life and you already see the William that you want to see.

God, it's back to you. Please make 2014 be better than 2013. Thank you. I don't know what I will be expecting for 2014. Let's hope for the best.

I know I will miss you and the laughter we had. 
I know I will miss your shoulder bite.
Letting you go is only fair in times like this.
And I am proud to have you to be my girlfriend (something I did not tell you)
Sorry for the unintended words that hurt.

"every breath I took, was a moment of pain"

"we were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it"

"December was supposed to be the sweetest month. We were supposed to be in church for Christmas and stroll-walk home. We were supposed to be watching firework together"

"someday when I make it, and they ask if I sacrifice anything through the journey, I will tell them that in the process of achieving success, I lost a very good girl. A girl that I would want to marry and be with her till either of our last breathe."

"I wish I could have woken up and change for the better, if I had done so, perhaps the outcome would have been different. Yet, I knew if you did not leave, I will not see the problems and I might not be the better guy in the future"